so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
