If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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