I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
