How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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