I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
