So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
