I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
