I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
