why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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