im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
