oh god the rape fog is back!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
