i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
