i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
