I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
