What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
