He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
