party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
