No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
