I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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