brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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