I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am one with the molecules
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
