You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
