There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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