Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
