cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
