she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
