just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
