The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
