I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
