so that wasnt chicken after all
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
