Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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