so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
