I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
