i can't believe i had my finger in that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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