I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
