this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
