youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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