quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
