I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
