More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
