South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
