I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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