I puked a lego.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
