I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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