Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
