he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
