This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
