dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
