I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
