The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
