this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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