its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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