New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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