So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
